Live at Peace

     I think most of us hate conflict. Whether it is at work, with a neighbor or even in our own marriages and families. We all prefer peace. And yet so often it is elusive. Currently we are in an election season which feels like the opposite of peace. The Apostle Paul gives us some advice about peace; he says . . . Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1Thessalonians 5:13b). I think Paul is giving us a few keys to living in peace.
     Paul surprises me by starting with a call to warn the idle and disruptive. There are some people who are prone to conflict. Over the years I have met many disruptive people. You have to be very clear with this kind of person. Paul advocates a very direct approach both here and in Titus 3:10 where he says, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.” In thirty years of ministry, I have only had to do this a couple times; sometimes they repent, sometimes they are expelled. Honestly in the cases I have dealt with, the very fact of being confronted by church leadership has prompted some to take a hard look at their behavior and make a U-turn in how they treat people. Either way if the disruptive, divisive person repents or leaves, the overall peace of the group improves.
     Next Paul says to “encourage the disheartened.” Author John Maxwell once said, “encouragement is oxygen for the soul.” The discouraged or disheartened can become very negative if they cannot change their focus. Genuine encouragement can make a big difference for people. It helps them remove the lens of negativity that can overtake their thinking. Something as simple as a heartfelt thank you can help lift the discouraged out of their pessimism. We see this in sports all the time. A great crowd of fans full of energy is like having an extra player on the field. An environment of encouragement helps any team perform better.
     Paul then goes on to say, “help the weak, be patient with everyone.” This instruction is critical. Someone may be the weak link on the team at work but if we show them patience and help them progress, they may significantly improve. My wife and I fostered children for several years. One thing we learned is that we could not assume that a child had any training at all. There were basic life skills that were often missing. They just needed someone to patiently catch them up. Just recently we watched one of our first foster children become an adult. He is a remarkable young man, in part because various adults came alongside him and helped him. In his case we have enjoyed watching people who came alongside when he was a small child and stay connected over the years offering help where they can. One of the practices that helps me be patient with everyone is to learn to truly listen to people. The one who is frustrating me usually has a story that helps explain their behavior. I once had a mentor tell me, “when you don’t like someone, you probably don’t know them well enough.” I have found that to be true. So many have heartbreaking stories. When you actually hear the story of a “difficult person” in your life it usually softens you and helps you to be more patient. And I am embarrassed to admit that I was an adult and leader before I realized that for some people and personalities, I am the “difficult person.” Embrace humility to see our contribution to conflicts that exist. It has been said “when humility enters the room everyone wins.”
     Our relationships will probably always have moments of frustration, but we who are Christians need to work to be peacemakers; for Jesus says, “blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). Isn’t it time to honestly ask ourselves, “Are we peacemakers?”

Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church