Dealing With Grief
DEALING WITH GRIEF
All of us face loss at one time or another. We might lose a job, a marriage or even a child to death. Grief is the process or journey through which we heal and find wholeness again. The poster boy for grief in the Scripture is the man named Job. In a brief period of time he lost his children to death, wealth, health and the respect of his community. Most believed he must have done something terrible to have so many horrible things happen to him.
Despite his intense suffering Job clung to God. I think this is the most important key to surviving and even thriving in grief. Grieve fully engaged with God. Job prays often. He complains, questions and even rages at times; but he never breaks the connection with God. Once when he was talking to his friends he says of God “though he slay me, yet will I hope in him . . . “ (Job 13:15). Notice that tenacious clinging to God. Too many, in the midst of grief, walk away from God, this is a serious mistake. Grief is when we need him the most.
When grieving, allow others to walk beside you. Job had several friends come to visit him. They came and expressed their grief through actions such as a weeping, and tearing their robes. They sat in silence with him for seven days. Now I realize this is an expression of grief for that particular culture. However, I have to ask myself how many seven day friends do I have? How many seven day friends do you have? How many people in my life would I go sit with for seven days? Whether someone reaches the status of a “seven day friend” or not I encourage you to invite and allow others to step into your pain. Isolation magnifies the pain of loss, friendship seasons it with their compassion. One of the most painful statements in the Bible is when God looked at Adam in the garden and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Now honestly, once his friends started talking they were not as helpful. They had a strong tendency to blame Job for the trauma he was experiencing.
The most common stages or components of grief are shock (denial), anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Denial hits you when you set the table for two when your spouse has been gone for weeks. Anger can be directed at the one who is gone, God or even at yourself. Maybe you feel like you could have headed off the loss in some way. Honestly bargaining seems pointless. Depression can seem like it will never end, yet there is a time to sit in it and feel the full weight of your loss. Finally, acceptance starts to break through. The sweet, even funny memories begin to dominate. Understand not everyone faces all these “stages” and sometimes a stage can pop up more than once. As you walk through and unpack these stages, I encourage you, do not do it alone. Invite God and deep friends into the mix. The process is still painful but the gift of God’s presence and that of others are profound. Loss is inevitable, but wholeness is available.
Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church
All of us face loss at one time or another. We might lose a job, a marriage or even a child to death. Grief is the process or journey through which we heal and find wholeness again. The poster boy for grief in the Scripture is the man named Job. In a brief period of time he lost his children to death, wealth, health and the respect of his community. Most believed he must have done something terrible to have so many horrible things happen to him.
Despite his intense suffering Job clung to God. I think this is the most important key to surviving and even thriving in grief. Grieve fully engaged with God. Job prays often. He complains, questions and even rages at times; but he never breaks the connection with God. Once when he was talking to his friends he says of God “though he slay me, yet will I hope in him . . . “ (Job 13:15). Notice that tenacious clinging to God. Too many, in the midst of grief, walk away from God, this is a serious mistake. Grief is when we need him the most.
When grieving, allow others to walk beside you. Job had several friends come to visit him. They came and expressed their grief through actions such as a weeping, and tearing their robes. They sat in silence with him for seven days. Now I realize this is an expression of grief for that particular culture. However, I have to ask myself how many seven day friends do I have? How many seven day friends do you have? How many people in my life would I go sit with for seven days? Whether someone reaches the status of a “seven day friend” or not I encourage you to invite and allow others to step into your pain. Isolation magnifies the pain of loss, friendship seasons it with their compassion. One of the most painful statements in the Bible is when God looked at Adam in the garden and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Now honestly, once his friends started talking they were not as helpful. They had a strong tendency to blame Job for the trauma he was experiencing.
The most common stages or components of grief are shock (denial), anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Denial hits you when you set the table for two when your spouse has been gone for weeks. Anger can be directed at the one who is gone, God or even at yourself. Maybe you feel like you could have headed off the loss in some way. Honestly bargaining seems pointless. Depression can seem like it will never end, yet there is a time to sit in it and feel the full weight of your loss. Finally, acceptance starts to break through. The sweet, even funny memories begin to dominate. Understand not everyone faces all these “stages” and sometimes a stage can pop up more than once. As you walk through and unpack these stages, I encourage you, do not do it alone. Invite God and deep friends into the mix. The process is still painful but the gift of God’s presence and that of others are profound. Loss is inevitable, but wholeness is available.
Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church
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