Forgiveness

     We live in an angry, hostile culture.  Recently I was teaching about Joseph of Genesis in a local halfway house.  I was talking about how Joseph forgave his brothers even though they sold him into slavery.  This forgiveness goes against our natural inclinations.  To forgive is to “give mercy instead of judgment, to give kindness instead of retaliation, to give pardon instead of punishment” (Unconditional?, Brian Zahnd, 165).  When I told the story I was trying to connect with the female residents of the halfway house.  I said, “Imagine you catch your husband cheating.  I am not saying you should stay with him but out of obedience to Christ and for your own mental health you should forgive him.”  One lady piped up “I caught my husband cheating on me and I shot him.”  Wow.  Our social media, our movies, our overall culture tends to be angry and seek retribution from those who hurt us.  When someone chooses to forgive, it is startling.  On September 21, eleven days after her life forever changed, Ericka Kirk, speaking at the funeral of her late husband, said that she was forgiving the man who assassinated him.  What!?

     How could she do this?  How can we do this?  How can we forgive those who have deeply wounded us?
 
     First, draw inspiration and power from Jesus.  Jesus cried out as he died on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).  Jesus modeled forgiveness even in the most extreme situation.  When we become Christians, we receive the Holy Spirit (or the Spirit of Christ).  We rely on the Spirit to give us the power to forgive.  Forgiveness usually takes more than merely our willpower.  The Holy Spirit is like the battery in a flashlight; He is our power source that allows us to “shine our light.”

      Second, remember the prod from Jesus “if you do not forgive others your sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15).  Forgiveness is hard.  Sometimes I need this nudge from Jesus that my relationship with Him is based on grace (unmerited, undeserved favor) and my relationships with others must be marked by grace as well.  Jesus shares a parable about a man who is forgiven a great debt by a king.  He then goes out and throws a man who owes him a small debt into debtor’s prison.  The king is angry and revokes the removal of the debt (Matthew 18:21-35).  Honestly, I do not like this parable, but it does prods me to be a channel of God’s grace and forgiveness to others.  Often, I forgive because I am forgiven.        
 
      Third, pray.  When we make the decision to pray for those who have wounded us it blesses them and us.  As I pray for the person that wronged me, I find that my heart begins to change.  As I pray for the person regularly, I begin to root for them.  Eventually my attitude towards them changes in a surprisingly positive way.

      Fourth, practice patience with yourself.  Forgiveness is challenging.  Revenge would be sweet, for a moment.  When we choose to forgive someone, essentially, we choose a direction.  A direction for our thinking and future actions.  If the betrayal is a deep wound there will be triggers and moments where the pain rises up again.  I imagine every Father’s Day can be a trigger for the daughter who was sexually molested by her dad.  And she must decide to forgive again.  Forgiveness is not a feeling or emotion but a thoughtful, difficult choice. It is a pathway to peace.
Who have you not forgiven?  Isn’t it time.

Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church