Overcoming Anger

      What has your anger cost you?  An important relationship, a job, your reputation?  In some extreme circumstances someone’s anger could even cost them their freedom because they physically hurt someone.  Even the great leader Moses lost the opportunity to enter the promised land because he acted out of anger.  I do want to acknowledge that some anger is good. We should be angry about racism, sex trafficking, and the abortion of millions of babies over the last several decades. Like fire, anger is good if contained in a furnace but deadly if loose in a forest.  But most anger is not a righteous anger but a poisonous anger.  Most anger works like an acid in our hearts leading to bitterness and resentment.  Most of the time anger is an emotion that accelerates into sinful action.    
      Counselors tell us that anger is typically a secondary emotion and there is value in assessing the root cause of our anger.  Look beneath your anger to see what is really going on.  Typically, someone has wounded our pride, or we feel disrespected.  I had to laugh at myself a few years ago when I was visiting the North Star Halfway House to share a midweek service with the residents.  I was teaching and a middle-aged man challenged and “corrected” my theology in front of the group.  Externally I was respectful but internally I could feel my anger rising and verbal digs were at the surface ready to be used.  It was easy to discern that I felt disrespected, and that was the root issue.  To take a verbal swing at him was tempting.  But I chose to forgive, and I still am the “fill in” guy when the regular teacher is unavailable.  Encouraging hurting people at North Star is more important than my ego, so forgiveness was the best way forward.  More importantly forgiveness is what has been offered to me through the cross of Jesus Christ; it’s the very heart of our faith. 
     God provides guidance in his Word to help us deal with anger.  In James 1:19, 20 he gives us two keys beyond forgiveness to deal with anger.  First, James says “be quick to listen.”  Often anger is a result of misunderstanding.  If we take the time to really listen to someone who has irritated us, it helps tremendously.  Most people are reasonable.  They have reasons for saying or acting the way they do.  If we make an intentional effort to listen to them, they make more sense than if we just see red and go into some kind of fight mode.  Try to put yourself in their shoes, embrace their perspective just for a moment and you might be surprised how your anger will often dissipate.
     Second, James says to “be slow to speak and become angry.”  Slow everything down.  Hit the pause button in your head.  Count to ten.  Do whatever it takes to calm down and think.  Will this matter ten years from now?  Often we are getting worked up over something unimportant. Once we calm our emotions we can start to make better decisions.  We can decide to be obedient to what God says in Ephesians 4:31, 32. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Easier said than done I admit, but we can all grow in becoming people marked by godly attitudes, not angry outbursts.
Pastor Derek Dickinson