Surviving Church Hurt
One of the saddest parts of my job as a minister over the last three decades is occasionally watching people leave church or even the faith. The Scripture sometimes
talks about those who “turn or fall away” (Hebrews 3:12; 6:4-6). In 1 Timothy the apostle Paul talks about those who “will abandon the faith” (4:1).
Every person who leaves church or moves from identifying as a Christian to no longer doing so has various reasons for their shift in world view. But one reason does stand out to me—church hurt. I have heard so many stories of Christian leaders who fall morally and disappoint. Or people experience some form of wounding from their interactions with professed Christians. Years ago I read a book Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey in which he tells the story of how Ghandi was inspired by Jesus Christ and investigated church as a young man when he was in South Africa. Unfortunately, he experienced racism from professing Christians and walked away from his exploration of the Christian faith. Disappointing. Even more so when the respected Christian author Philp Yancey sharing the story years later confessed to an eight year extramarital affair with a married woman; causing devastating heartbreak for his own wife and his lover’s husband. My own life long story with church is marked by seasons of deep pain and disappointment. Yet overall, God’s people have been a true blessing to me.
So how do we deal with church hurt?
First, remember not everyone who says they are a Christian is a Christian. The Bible talks about wolves (Acts 20:29). There are people in churches who are evil and intentionally there to cause whatever pain and destruction they can. You might even be called to expose a wolf and help protect others from his devious evil. There are times to hold people accountable.
Second, remember that church is made up people who need God’s grace (undeserved favor). Part of becoming a follower of Jesus Christ is admitting that we are sinners that need a savior. Some people that wound you might be new Christians that are just learning a new selfless way of living. Laying down one’s selfishness and pride is a process that takes time. Just as I see immaturity and even naughtiness in my beautiful grand children from time to time, we see it in younger Christians as well. But let’s not stop there, I’ve been a Christian for decades and still manage to offend and hurt people at times. Sometimes they are too sensitive and sometimes I am not living well. To be part of God’s people means that grace is required, not just for salvation but for daily living. Be generous with God’s grace to those around you, even those who hurt you.
Third, forgive. Offense and resentment are not worth losing your faith family. There
might be occasional situations where you should leave for another congregation but usually the path forward is forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus indicates that we are to forgive repeatedly. God has forgiven you and I; we are called to turn around and be channels of God’s forgiveness for others.
Fourth, pray for wisdom. James 1:5 tells us to ask God for wisdom and He will give
it. Dealing with hurt from a wolf is different from healing from the wounding from a
dedicated Christian who made a mistake. We search the Scriptures for guidance and
pray for specific direction when needed.
If you have been hurt by a church let me say for many Christians, we are sorry that
trauma happened to you. But please remember where some Christians can be fickle
Jesus is always faithful. Despite the tenderness of your wounds I encourage you to
give church another try. It could be a different church or the same church, the Lord can
direct you. Do not let the sins of one individual or a faith family fracture your faith
forever.
Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church
talks about those who “turn or fall away” (Hebrews 3:12; 6:4-6). In 1 Timothy the apostle Paul talks about those who “will abandon the faith” (4:1).
Every person who leaves church or moves from identifying as a Christian to no longer doing so has various reasons for their shift in world view. But one reason does stand out to me—church hurt. I have heard so many stories of Christian leaders who fall morally and disappoint. Or people experience some form of wounding from their interactions with professed Christians. Years ago I read a book Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey in which he tells the story of how Ghandi was inspired by Jesus Christ and investigated church as a young man when he was in South Africa. Unfortunately, he experienced racism from professing Christians and walked away from his exploration of the Christian faith. Disappointing. Even more so when the respected Christian author Philp Yancey sharing the story years later confessed to an eight year extramarital affair with a married woman; causing devastating heartbreak for his own wife and his lover’s husband. My own life long story with church is marked by seasons of deep pain and disappointment. Yet overall, God’s people have been a true blessing to me.
So how do we deal with church hurt?
First, remember not everyone who says they are a Christian is a Christian. The Bible talks about wolves (Acts 20:29). There are people in churches who are evil and intentionally there to cause whatever pain and destruction they can. You might even be called to expose a wolf and help protect others from his devious evil. There are times to hold people accountable.
Second, remember that church is made up people who need God’s grace (undeserved favor). Part of becoming a follower of Jesus Christ is admitting that we are sinners that need a savior. Some people that wound you might be new Christians that are just learning a new selfless way of living. Laying down one’s selfishness and pride is a process that takes time. Just as I see immaturity and even naughtiness in my beautiful grand children from time to time, we see it in younger Christians as well. But let’s not stop there, I’ve been a Christian for decades and still manage to offend and hurt people at times. Sometimes they are too sensitive and sometimes I am not living well. To be part of God’s people means that grace is required, not just for salvation but for daily living. Be generous with God’s grace to those around you, even those who hurt you.
Third, forgive. Offense and resentment are not worth losing your faith family. There
might be occasional situations where you should leave for another congregation but usually the path forward is forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus indicates that we are to forgive repeatedly. God has forgiven you and I; we are called to turn around and be channels of God’s forgiveness for others.
Fourth, pray for wisdom. James 1:5 tells us to ask God for wisdom and He will give
it. Dealing with hurt from a wolf is different from healing from the wounding from a
dedicated Christian who made a mistake. We search the Scriptures for guidance and
pray for specific direction when needed.
If you have been hurt by a church let me say for many Christians, we are sorry that
trauma happened to you. But please remember where some Christians can be fickle
Jesus is always faithful. Despite the tenderness of your wounds I encourage you to
give church another try. It could be a different church or the same church, the Lord can
direct you. Do not let the sins of one individual or a faith family fracture your faith
forever.
Pastor Derek Dickinson
Journey Christian Church
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